When The Choice Is Between A Skillful Doctor And A Nice Doctor

(This is very long but I hope you will take the time to read my thoughts.)

An upcoming checkup with my oncologist got me thinking about physicians I’ve known and selected over the years for my health care needs. My nurse friends will probably agree, we benefit from insider information to select the best possible doctor. And they likely also will agree that, although we appreciate a good bedside manner, the most important factor by far is skill and results. If the ability to communicate well and convey compassion is included in their skill set, that’s wonderful but never takes precedent over knowledge and it’s skilled application. Over my long nursing career I’ve worked with many physicians and I’ve heard about many more from my colleagues. I’ve seen the good, the bad, and the ugly of them. It caused me constant amazement that some of the least skilled doctors had the most loyal, admiring patients because of a kind and compassionate personality. Those patients didn’t have the ability, however, to know or compare the skill level of these same doctors they adored. (Fortunately there are some limited ways to do that today through online ratings.)

Is there a parallel to this election season and the candidates we are choosing? I’m quite aware of how many have a deeply felt hatred for Donald Trump and, although they may not have an adoring admiration for Joe Biden, they say he is a kind and caring candidate. He certainly comes across that way in the settings we’re allowed to see him. Trump too often comes across as a total jackass. I wish he didn’t but he does. At this critical turning point in our history, though, should I make my vote decision based on feelings, a.k.a. picking the doctor with the better bedside manner or do I pick the doctor who has proven and better results? 

I’ve heard endless promises from presidential candidates in the past 12 elections, most of which never were fulfilled. After maybe the first 5-6 elections, it became very clear that candidates promise the sun, moon, and stars only to go to Washington and do what they darn well please, as long as they went along with established bureaucracy. Trump broke that mold. The difference? He wasn’t a Washington insider. He had connections with insiders but only as much as they wanted his donation to their political campaigns. The insiders liked him back then including Chuck Schumer, John Kerry, Terry McAuliff, Kirsten Gillibrand, Cory Booker, and surprisingly Kamala Harris and Joe Biden who all received campaign donations from Trump.

Trumps accomplishments are actually impressive in spite of the fact that the media gives him no credit for them.

- Lowest unemployment rate since 1969 and strongest economic recovery...which he voluntarily gave up to mitigate a pandemic the severity of which was not seen in 100 years.

- Lowest black unemployment rate ever...in spite of all the Democrat campaign promises to blacks and the Republicans’ disregard of black communities over 6 decades with no improvement, only decline.

- Lowest Hispanic unemployment ever.

- Reached out to Blacks and Hispanic with effective policies to improve their communities by prison reform, economic opportunity zones in inner cities, permanent renewal of funding for historically black colleges and university (instead of the annual requests they had to make.)

- First real growth in pay for middle class and blue collar jobs In decades. A family of four earned $9,000 more per year on average since Trump’s tax cuts.

- Responded to the pandemic in previously unimagined ways. He shut down the economy knowing it would hurt his re-election chances. He closed travel early while being called xenophobic and racist by his opponents who, at the same time were telling people to not be afraid and keep about usual activities, visit China Town, go to the movies, yahdah yahdah. Now in hindsight these very folks criticize him for not closing travel sooner.

- Instead of acting like the dictator the Dems and media claim he is, Trump asked, ASKED, businesses to voluntarily produce ventilators, PPE, testing equipment, etc. and they did. He believes in the goodness of American people and businesses and didn’t need to dictate as the Dems pushed him to do.

- The predicted 2,000,000 lives at a minimum to be lost to coronavirus was revised to a best case prediction of 2-500,000 lives if we did everything right. As of today, October 16, 2020 there have been 218,000 lost, too many but nowhere near the worst case scenario and on track with the best case. 

- Leading the economic recovery from the Covid shutdown which is much faster than predicted.

- Trump’s Administration achieved these pandemic response results with the depleted stockpiles left from Joe Biden’s leadership of the H1N1 pandemic and with an ineffective public health surveillance system not designed to be the rapid testing system necessary for this pandemic...and these in spite of warnings from public health officials, including Dr. Fauci, that future pandemics would follow H1N1 and Ebola.

- Took on North Korea in ways unseen by the Clinton, Bush, Obama administrations and has resulted in no further long range ballistic missile tests over Japan and South Korea.

- Has stood up to China, the first time since Bill Clinton attempted to appease them with super computers and since Biden ineptly managed relations between China and America, allowing China to acquire US military technology. But he very skillfully let the Chinese Communist Party enrich his son with $1.5 billion dollars in business deals.

- Defeated ISIS and their caliphate after Obama and Hillary made the rise of ISIS possible through arms dealing and promoting the Arab Spring through their State Department’s Civil Society revolutions.

- Ended the Iran Nuclear Deal as Iran continued its nuclear development and used the $1.7 billion cash settlement agreement to promote further terrorism throughout the Middle East. 

- Authorized the take down of Iran’s chief terrorist general, Qusem Soleimani, who was responsible for the deaths of innumerable civilians as well as US military.

- Moved the US Embassy to Jerusalem as all US presidents in modern history promised to do in their campaigns but never followed through.

- Brought Arabs and Jews together with Saudi Arabia taking a lead roll in the Middle East. He brokered the first contract between Israel and Arab nations in 3 decades for mutual, peaceful economic development.

- European nations are now finally paying their fair share for NATO.

- Ended the US participation in the Paris climate accord. While the US was already exceeding in carbon footprint reduction targets, there was no effort in the agreement to make the worst air quality offenders, India and China, responsible to reduce their footprints through a document that talked a good talk but had no real accountability for action.

- Nominated 3 constitutionalist judges for the Supreme Court, none who have proven to be activist judges for the Right. In spite of the claims of the hyperventilating Left, the first two to become justices seem to make decisions based on the constitution as written. Is there something to really be feared by that?

- And finally, a southern border wall is being built. Mexico has cooperated with stopping illegal immigration, turning back the caravans that flooded illegal immigrants into the US when Trump first took office. Illegal immigration has been significantly reduced and it is not because Trump hates immigrants. They need to come through the legal way and he wants to make that way easier and fairer through immigration reform but the Dems would not consider it. Most importantly, the efforts on the border have been part of the noble battle to reduce child and women sex slave trade and to halt the dangerous drug trade.

President Trump has accomplished all this while facing a literal coup and organized resistance from the day he was elected. This has been carried out by the FBI, DOJ, CIA, DNI, State Department, IRS, and many bureaucrats entrenched in the federal government And it was initiated with the approval and direction of former President Obama and VP Biden. Their own documents are now being released which prove this to be true. He has faced unprecedented resistance by news media of all types, big tech social media platforms, celebrities, billionaires and their $ billions, and coordinated Marxist Organizations. No president since Abraham Lincoln has faced the headwinds Trump has faced and is facing and yet he has accomplished more of his promises than any other in my memory of 12 campaigns.

Trump is a Republican by party but he has shown a willingness to negotiate for the betterment of the American people. Democrats could have had so much for their constituents had they been willing to sit at the adult table and negotiate. They would rather fight and waste time and resources to regain control and preserve their deep state. Democrat leaders have proven over the past 4 years that they care only about power and very little if any about the American people. 

This all is why I will be voting for Trump. I’m voting for the “doctor” who has demonstrated the better skill and has kept his word to make us well again...even though he has the worst bedside manner.

(If you made it this far, thanks for reading!) 

9/11 2020

 Where were you 19 years ago this morning? I was at the Nursing Management 2001 conference in Disney World with 3 colleagues. We were sitting in the first session that Tuesday morning when the keynote speaker mentioned a plane had hit one of the World Trade Center towers in NYC. Not having any other information, it seemed like it must have been a sad, tragic accident. We didn’t have smartphones back then so news flashes weren’t readily available on our little cell phones. Our CNO and apparently others decided to get more info as several people started to walk out of the session. I stepped out a few minutes later to see if I could reach my parents who were scheduled to fly from the Cape that morning to visit my brother in Albuquerque. I couldn’t remember if they were flying from Boston or Providence. It wasn’t long afterwards that the speaker decided to end the session. Attendees flooded into the hallways as Disney staff had begun to place TVs tuned to the news. And then we watched the live shots of a second plane hitting the other tower.

This morning my mind is replaying that entire day. There’s so much more I could share of our story that Tuesday and the days to follow. I didn’t reach my parents for 3-4 long hours. They were grounded in Providence and safe. UHS worked from a great distance to secure the last rental car at the Orlando airport so we could drive home. We looked for all the information we could find buying newspapers at every stop, tuning in to crackly news reports on radio (no Sirius XM back then) and calls to loved ones. We and thousands of others travelled the interstates back to our homes, the only place we wanted to be during the days that followed but all the way wondering what kind of help we might need to lend to NYC as nurses. Sadly, none would be needed.

9/11 was one of those rarest of world changing events overflowing with emotion laden memories forever filed in our individual and collective histories. And here, 19 years later we stand on the precipice of perhaps an even rarer world changing event - the 2020 presidential election. We are being poised and played for potentially this nation’s second civil war. I fear for my country and for all reasonable fellow citizens. Our emotions are not the natural result of an actual event. Our emotions are being manipulated by powerful people in influential positions and supported by profoundly biased and even deceitful media. 

Do you remember what the next day, 9/12, was like? I do. It was a sense of unity, of “we are all in this together”, of kindness and patience and sacrifice even among complete strangers. I believe that is who we Americans really are. We have different opinions, strongly differing opinions. That’s a good and healthy thing. We are, though, dependent on information, on facts, on the truth to form sound opinions and guide our emotions. When we have that we can move forward together with and through our differences. When powerful people manipulate, exaggerate, conceal, and/or distort information, facts, and truth we will be torn apart...we will tear each other apart. The tearing has already started.

If the spirit of 9/12 isn’t dead, it’s on life support. I fear that 9/11 will have been a walk in the park compared to what we will see on 11/4 this year. For myself, I’m going to do the same things I did after 9/11.

1) Get all the information I can from a variety of sources to verify truth

2) Stay calm and not allow my emotions to cloud clear thinking

3) Show kindness to others, not hatred

4) Pray that God would forgive us all and bring healing, understanding, and peace.

Eulogy for My Dad

The signs were all there a month ago after Dad fell and broke his hip that a return to his independent apartment was unlikely and that at a minimum he would need assisted living if not custodial care. So I began the process of sorting his possessions for downsizing. As I went through the files in his desk, I discovered one labeled obituaries – and it contained lots of them. Many where of people I did not know, many others of family or long time friends. Dad had begun that collection many years ago but he was still adding to it. I found more recent ones in a pile on top of his desk, waiting for filing. As I was making arrangements  Tim commented on how many nonagenarians were now passing away and that one friend of my dad’s who died last week had simply grown weary of mourning the deaths of so many family members and friends. I don’t know if Dad was weary of the mourning as much as he had a growing desire to just be with them again. I told a friend that I only saw my father weep openly once and that was at his mother’s passing. It seems to me that it was then that Dad started talking about the great reunion we would have with loved ones in Heaven. That thought grew in significance to him as the years increased to even the day before he fell, it was his prayer as he sat with Ben and me that Sunday morning.

Writing was something my dad did a lot of.  Another file I found labeled Correspondence, was full of letters he had written, or drafts of letters he sent. I’m not sure why he kept the drafts but he did. His dictionary was so worn, you could no longer read the word Dictionary on the cover. He wrote letters to the Press and Sun Bulletin editor regularly, and he wrote list after list of prayer requests. He also helped others with their writing, proof reading and encouraging neighbors, relatives, and veteran friends to publish their stories.

Dad loved the development of email and, for a senior citizen, he adapted to it quickly, using it as an important tool for his correspondence. His email address book held well over 200 names. There was a downside to email, though, because there was not a spam email containing the word FREE that didn’t get Dad’s attention. This lead to lots of things arriving in the mail as well as viruses that killed 2 computers.

My parents were very generous people but Mom would on occasion accuse Dad of letting his Scottish roots keep him a bit on the, well, cheap side. Dad would have preferred to be known as frugal. For example, he used every inch of a piece of paper, whether a 2x2 post it note or an 8x11 page. I found hundreds of scraps of paper with scripture verses, notes from something he read, upcoming events, telephone numbers, a health tip, and sometimes all of the above squeezed in on the same paper! He reused his computer paper. When something was printed on one side that he didn’t need anymore, he turned it over so he could print something on the other side.

Dad was a genuine Mr. Fix It. He didn’t just have the T-shirt that said it, he lived it. He fixed his own cars, made plumbing and electrical repairs, remodeled basements…he could fix almost anything. Later in life he fell in love with fixing old clocks and taught himself enough to work on some very precious time pieces for folks who had long given up on them ever working again. He never charged for his work, seriously undercutting the other local clock repair shops. He said he couldn’t charge because he couldn’t afford his double-your-money-back guarantee. 

Dad didn’t just fix things, he also wanted to see relationships fixed. I witnessed  it in our own extended family but also found letters in his files that gave evidence of his efforts to foster reconciliation.

My Dad was smart and yet humble, he was strong and fun. He loved to read and spent hours each day reading from a large assortment of books. He loved working all kinds of puzzles, Sudoku, cryptos, Jumbles, word searches. He received a Rubiks cube when they were first popular and figured it out in a few hours.

He loved jokes – he had a file just for jokes and lists of jokes included in his business files!

He liked to play games, especially card games like Pounce, with family. He’d sit for hours while on vacation at the Cape playing solitaire while Mom puttered in the kitchen. He loved to sing and listen to my mother play the piano. He loved fruit salad of any kind. He loved the Andy Griffith show. And he loved Friendly’s!

Near his 29^th birthday on October 6, 1953, Jim Crenshaw brought home his baby girl. As Mom repeated the story, she said how I fit perfectly in his forearm, my head resting in his palm. As time marched forward and dimensions changed, my daddy could no longer hold me in one arm but he did hold me in his heart and I believe in his daily prayers. When I was diagnosed with breast cancer and undergoing treatment, my dad increased his prayers and asked others to join him. He would ask me every time we were together “How are your treatments going?” and I’d reassure him they were going well and doing what they needed to do. Even after radiation treatments ended last July, Dad would regularly ask “How are your treatments going?” and I’d remind him that my treatments were over and I was being monitored but all was well. He’d still pray for me and ask others to pray for my treatments. Last week, even as his condition was deteriorating so severely he opened his eyes one afternoon and asked me how my treatments were going? I answered “They’re going very well Dad, and doing just what they need to do!” I didn’t know until Wednesday when they told me, my daddy wanted to make sure somebody was still praying for me so he asked my dear friends, Skeet and Arline, to carry on.

I had the best father a girl could ever have and I confess, I took it for granted much too often. He’s probably the main reason I never got married. No one ever measured up to the standard I was familiar with.

More than all his wonderful qualities and accomplishments, he was a devoted follower of Christ and even though he could no longer hold me in one arm like when I was a newborn, he did all he could to lead me to the One who holds me in His hands now and into eternity.

Thank you Dad! Fair winds and following seas until we’re together again.

The Sacrifice

I was recently asked to write an article for a local nurses association newsletter (Professional Nurses Association of South Cental New York). I decided to share it here as well.

A couple of weeks ago a dear friend was explaining the time she was spending in a local nursing facility with a woman who has dementia. She concluded by saying “But I’m not a nurse.” That struck me because everything she described was the essence of nursing including the process she used to identify a very challenging problem and to find effective solutions. Innately,she had applied nursing process to deliver care. My response to her was that there are people who are called to be a nurse and some obtain education to make it a nursing career. She seems to be one who could have had the calling but pursued other opportunities for a career.

As I considered accepting the invitation to write an article for this newsletter with this incident fresh in my mind, I thought of exploring the age old “a calling, a career, or both” debate. My thoughts were drawn instead to the word sacrifice. One of the dictionary definitions of sacrifice is “to give up something that is valuable to you in order to help another person.” (Cambridge University Dictionary)

My friend is making a difference in the life of an elderly woman with severe dementia because she is willing to sacrifice. While her “job” is to show up and feed this woman who has lost capacity for all self care, she is making sacrifices. She sacrifices time to prepare for each visit, creating unique ways to connect meaningfully and ways to bring calm and connectedness. She is willing to sacrifice time away from her own family to give time to another family devastated by their mother’s condition. She sacrifices by taking a risk, wondering if she can make the situation better when she could choose to stay within her comfort zone and not go above and beyond.

Nursing can be a calling and it can be a career. I’ve observed many excellent nurses who joined the profession because they felt God had created them to minister as a nurse as well asnurses who joined our ranks because it was a career path for advancement and economic security…or both. Unfortunately, I have seen the reverse. As a nurse manager for most of my active duty nursing, I gave much lower ratings to some who came into nursing for the very same reasons, a calling or a career path. So what made the difference? What was the “secret sauce” in those who excelled? Perhaps it has something to do with sacrifice, the willingness to give just a little extra of themselves to those entrusted in their care, to look outside of their personal needs and recognize the needs in others.  

In 2018, I spent most of the year in treatment for breast cancer. I was (and am) blessed to have many friends, and a goodly number who are nurses, who sacrificed a little of their time to encourage me, educate me, and humor me. I am forever indebted to them for seeing me through the challenge. I was also fortunate to receive care from a number of individuals, nurses and others, who did not know I was a nurse and gave me no special “insider” care other than what they give all their patients. Some of the best ones made sacrifices in their all-too-busy days,small sacrifices of time to let me ask a question, to meet an anticipated need before I even knew I had one, to give my family updates and direction even when not essential, or offer a cup of coffee or a drink of water. Some who had only momentary contact with me offered a kind smile or a reassuring touch on my arm. It all made a difference…it all makes a big difference.

So as I’m not misunderstood, no patient wants their nurse to be a martyr, no employer wants overtime, and no family wants mom or dad home late every day from work. I’m sure we can all recall a nurse who fits one of those categories. The sacrifice I’m speaking of is the willingness to give something of value, brief moments of precious time to offer a human touch out of a genuine concern in the midst of otherwise bustling impersonal routines. The power of a sacrifice, no matter how small, should not be underestimated or underappreciated. 

The HOPE Program

Last year’s journey through cancer treatment and recovery has led me to a place I would willingly choose to be on very rare occasions – exercise! Somehow exercise never developed into a passion for me as it seemingly has for some. In fact, I would say I have a true disdain for it. Oh, I’ve ventured into fitness programs before, gotten tired and sweaty playing sports, and done a meager portion of running, walking, and biking over the years. It just never developed into something I looked forward to doing at this point in life.

It wasn’t until this past Christmas while shopping at the local mall that I realized I had not recovered to even my baseline, non-exercising, couch potato level. At that point even I recognized the need to move it, move it! Fortunately, UHS offers a wonderful opportunity - a 12 week fitness program for free called the HOPE Program (Helping Oncology Patients Exercise). I obtained the necessary referral from my primary care provider and, with my cancer excuse in hand, I signed up. I’m glad I did. I’m 4 weeks in and it has reinforced what we all know, exercise is good for the body, mind, and spirit.

As I watch and read about the condition of the world around me, local and global, it is plainly obvious that we have fallen well below our baseline psychologically, socially, relationally, politically – basically anything ending in –ly you can think of. Science is important when it relates to climate change but not when it applies to gender issues. Education used to be about “reading, writing, and arithmetic” until it became indoctrination and usurping parental authority. Marriage from its origin was always a function of religion until governments began regulating it. Fathering used to be an essential part of rearing healthy children until entitlement programs began rewarding single moms to have more children.

The world is turning upside down but what is most astounding is the level of spiritual depravity our society has arrived at. The enemy is not people, they and we are but the victims of a major battle raging in a spiritual realm which we are mostly oblivious to, a battle for the souls of men and women, boys and girls. There is a cancer attacking our culture, our civilization and it’s called *evil* and it results in and from *sin*. We desperately need something to get us back in shape. There is another HOPE program but this one is not sponsored by UHS, it is brought to us by the one true God and His plan for redemption or salvation for everyone. 

It is time for some very real assessment of our individual and collective spiritual health. If we were to take all the signs and symptoms on full display around us (and they are easy to observe, brought into our homes by all kinds of media devices and into our heads by constant repetition) and if we charted the decline, we would see we have surpassed the tipping point and there is not going to be a good ending, sooner than we care to believe. 

In my personal assessment conducted regularly for many years now, I have concluded repeatedly that God’s HOPE program is powerful, reliable, and true. It has been my desire to know this God, this Jesus through more than the superficial religious rituals and exercises I was raised on. If you are reading this, most likely you are a dear friend and someone I care deeply about. My question is, are you in shape? Are you ready spiritually for what is coming at us full speed? Do you need the best HOPE program ever designed, free for the rest of your earthly life and then free for all eternity?

I’d love to speak to you in person if I can help along these lines. I’d be honored to be your “primary care provider” if you need a referral!

The Word of the Year is...

Another year begins today and along with it comes the new year’s resolutions, which likely are the old year’s resolution and the year before that resolutions. Soon to follow, probably on tomorrow’s morning news shows, will be the predictions and jokes about how long resolutions will hold up along with the advice from experts on how to make them become lasting change. My conclusion after 65 new year beginnings? Resolutions don’t work, at least no better for being set on January 1 than on any other day of the year. Just being a new year is not incentivizing enough for most resolutions. But what if there was one single, meaningful word that could last the entire year?

I’ve had several words over the years that were cornerstones in my professional nursing career. Certainly caring and competence were significant words for me as a new clinician. I remember when I was first promoted to a nurse manager position, communication was the foundational word I leaned on to develop my staff. Teamwork and leadership were words at other major focal points. There were other words over those 43 years and differing roles. I ended my employed nursing life with “relationship” as my word, it flowed across all aspects of my life.

My niece, Cassie, gave me a lovely necklace for Christmas with the title of this blog engraved on it, *These Three Remain*. On the reverse side she added *2018 Love*. On the card accompanying the gift she wrote she would be looking forward to the 2019 *Word*. In the section “About Me” on this blog I share how Love was my word last year and the significance it played in my cancer journey.

Several years ago, I became familiar with the leadership and motivational coaching of Jon Gordon. (You can find out about Jon at www.jongordon.com.) Every December for the past eight years Jon would use at least one of his weekly e-newsletters to encourage his followers to select one word instead of resolutions, as he himself practiced. Here’s what he wrote last month:

“9 out of 10 people will fail with their resolutions.

50% of resolution makers will fail by the end of January. 

But one word sticks!

That's why 8 years I ago I stopped making New Year's resolutions and started picking one word for the upcoming year. No resolutions, no goals... just one word that gives meaning, mission, passion and purpose. One word that will help me be my best.” (J. Gordon, 12/10/2018)

Jon with others have written books and developed a website about One Word (www.getoneword.com).They don’t help you select your word for the year but they provide other helpful tools and resources. 

I hadn’t actually given much thought to my 2019 Word until I received Cassie’s card. I liked Love and was willing to stick with it but decided to go back to the site which helped me select last year’s word. This year my word is Courage! I’m not sure why that wasn’t the word for last year as it might have seemed a logical fit while starring down cancer, but I didn’t need courage last year. I needed love, to receive love, give love, and understand Love more. I’m excited to discover what I will need courage for! (I think.) 

What is one word that will give you meaning, mission, passion, and purpose? What word will help you be your best? 

When I Think Upon Christmas

This Christmas season as I reflect on the significance of the season, I enjoy listening to the classic hymns and carols. I equally enjoy finding new songs that express the ancient truth about God’s matchless gift to the world. While the new melodies and harmonies bring a freshness to old familiar words, it still takes intentionality to dig deeper than the historical facts and meditate on the marvelous mystery of our Savior’s birth.

Following are the lyrics to my most recent favorite Christmas song. You’ll be able to listen by clicking the link under my Song Favorites in the right side column.

May the Joy of the World bring you peace and love as you give Him some time and attention as part of this year’s celebration.

When I Think Upon Christmas – Hillsong, 2017

When I think upon Christmas
Words can’t express
How our Father in heaven
Has sent us His best
To be born in a manger
The king in the hay
And creation will worship His Name

For the joy of the world
He was born
Bringing peace to us all
Through the gift of the Son
Now the darkest of ages are done
For the Saviour of heaven has come

When I think upon Jesus
The King of all days
I can’t help but respond
With an offering of praise
Like the wise men and shepherds
I’ll follow Your light
Like the angels I’ll lift Your Name high

For the joy of the world
You were born
Bringing peace to us all
For the gift of Your love
Now the darkest of ages are done
For the Saviour of heaven has come

Now I look back in reverence
To that holy night
For the God of the heavens
Had us on His mind
Let us sing of His glory
Rejoice in His Name
Oh Emmanuel with us always